I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
