I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
