Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
