It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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