Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
