you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
