That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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