Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
