captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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