we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
