this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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