I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
