She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
