hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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