"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
