Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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