you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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