this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
