I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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