How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
