I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there's paper in my vomit.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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