we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
