checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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