he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
