Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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