Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
