doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
