she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
