He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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