were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
