I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
