I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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