You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
