I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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