accomplished twins. life is a go
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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