not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He did a backflip because drugs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
