His hands were made for my vagina.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
