After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
