But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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