Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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