i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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