That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
