I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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