i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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