I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
