I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
