she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
