About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
