It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
