We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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