i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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