I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize