When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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