Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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