There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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