There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
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If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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