Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
