This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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