I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
