i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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