Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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