We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
