Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
