Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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