I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
