remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
