Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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