just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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