If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
