Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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