I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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