Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if only i could text you this smell
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
