Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
